Can I Get Off Here Please?

Today was crazy. I knew it would be. When your boss calls the evening before with news that a coworker can't make it to work so could you please cover his after school class, you know it's going to be a long one. That compiled with a regular work day plus an unexpected tamper tantrum (not from me though sorely I was tempted), and the continual running around of official foreigner paperwork has got me beat. So much so that as I passed by my usual home station on my way back for Duchool seconds I contemplated jumping off the train, running up my little mountain, slamming the door, and simply hiding. My job isn't bad at all. In fact I'm reminded of how much of a blessing it is rather than a burden. Today I'm just done. 

Now, my logical side has kicked in as my throat tries to release what little emotions I let enter my consciousness. Everyone goes trough days like this. there's a song about it for goodness sakes. Except I can't remember if my mama said it or not. Whether I struggle or not the sun will continue it's course, the children will hopefully learn something from their frazzled teacher. I will eventually get off at my station, climb my little mountain, and close the door. I'm just trying to decided whether to allow myself to bring more emotions into the light before that or not. I'm thinking no. Besides, God has been gracious to remind me of what He can do and how much in control He is...which is totally. I'm just tired from being a crazy person telling my own hand not to grab hold of the reigns again. You know the characters you see on movies who look like one of their hands is posessed as they try to keep it from doing what they don't want it to do? That's me, and I'm tuckered.

Wondering About Others

Today I began to wonder what others thought of me. Picture the only foreigner on a train platform in a rural part of Osaka. Now picture the morning rush of suited up workmen and uniformed youth commuting to the local train hub. Even if there wasn't the obvious physical differences you would know I'm the only foreigner due to the "tourist" look; slightly agape mouth, wide eyes, and a posture that practically screams naiveté. Today I wondered what they thought of my observation. As I stand there waiting for my 7:20 train I look at everything. I stare at bamboo forests, I follow the pigeons gathering their nesting materials, I even stare at gardens. That's right, I watch grass grow cause it's all so new. 

To my fellow commuter they know their surroundings. I don't. I don't know how the next gust of wind will affect the bamboo trees, I've never seen a pigeon nest in anything other an an elm or window ledge, and some of these plants would keep my head in a botany book for weeks. So, here I am, month number two around the bend. I wonder if those used to their surroundings will ever get used to my awe, cause I don't think it's going anywhere anytime soon. I'm stuck with this "tourist" look for now. 

Burning Rice

Today I walked to work with the smell of burning rice patties clinging to my clothing. Later, I walked off the train with the same smell clinging to the air. The smell is important to me because it is part of my new world. After all the rice is reaped than the rice fields are burned. Very Biblical with chaff and all that. This momenteous time for those who have worked hard to cultivate and harvest is now here. It's new to me and important to them. Of course that is much of what makes up my days now. Lots of new things for me are important stages that are lived out every season for those around me. My mission is to learn. So much to learn; traditions, cultural norms, words, sentences, seasons, and what's important to everyone else. 

As of right now, I know I'm not called to this kind of life long-term...the living in a different culture than your own kind of life I mean. We'll revisit that later this year so stay tuned. Because of that, I'm not struggling right now as so many do. Those who are here, and know that next year will simply be a cultural 2 year old experiencing new things and missing the old, they are the ones who struggle. I'm getting a glimpse of what those called to the long-term lives with. It's not all struggles. So many victories come in to lift you up for awhile; using your new found language skills to communicate an entire conversation, shopping for and cooking an entire meal by yourself, being able to maneuver streets that were once unfamiliar. These victories begin to make up your life until suddenly, you're that person. The one you marveled at when you first came here. The one you wish you could be like. The one who adapted until finally this was your home and the other place was somewhere you visited.

That's how I think it goes anyway. Like I said, that's not me, not right now. In a year or so I will be going back to the random food runs, familiar streets, and original language that I am simply getting by without now. When I come back I'll probably be that annoying person. You know, the one who always mentions how it was in the country they visited. The person who says, "oh you like ramen? Well, let me tell you my experience at this little ramen shop..." Don't worry, I'll restrain myself, but you'll have to excuse a couple of side comments or random Japanese sayings.

So, in all how am I doing? Man, does that question ever seem self- centered. Hopefully, you'll forgive my monologue since you are reading a blog and that's how these things work. I'm suspiciously fine. I say suspicious because I've been trained too thoroughly as an Intercultural Studies Major to think that I'm over the hardest part and it's all downhill from here. I can now wake up in the mornings with the first thought being, "ok, here we go. kids waiting to be taught, Japanese people to meet, and a language to learn" rather than, "I have to do this for a year?!" That's an improvement wouldn't you say? 

It's still hard though. I can still talk with those I miss. Important Skype dates have been made and kept and each time I remember what I left behind. Job well done Coley. It's those random times I miss. You know the times you randomly think of someone and can call them or drop by? That's what I miss. I can email and Facebook, but my home world is asleep when I think of them. Not to turn this into an, "I miss" paragraph, but I also miss random food runs. You know those times you don't want to cook or just want to grab something on your way to work...yeah, they don't do that here. All that to say, if that's the worse thing I go through than hallelujah, but I'm still a little suspicious.