I'm experiencing my first culture shock. I'm hoping this is the worst it gets, but it probably isn't. Yesterday was a great day of learning, walking, sunsets, and little kids. Last night, during my weakest jet-lagged moment, I committed my first cultural boo boo. While standing in the door way of the family room trying to figure out culturally how I might excuse myself so I could sleep, I was prompted to sit down. When the lady of the house moved to get me a chair I was told that culturally I must accept, which I did. Then I learned all the ins and outs of accepted acts of service. Since I was in their home than the correct response would be proficient apologies that I had inconvenienced her. If it wasn't in their house and she had made a move to get me something than I must insist on doing it myself. Lots to remember? Oh, I'm not done.
There's also the high context communication style to take into consideration. High context means that the atmosphere, style, and mode the message is given in is more important than the message itself. Because of this there is more reading between the lines in communication. Here's how I learned: while sitting with the family and friends in the tv room which has the traditional bamboo mat flooring, I began rocking back and forth on a small floor chair ( a chair with no legs on it). Out of the corner of my eye I see the lady of the house hop up and then all eyes turn to me. I must have done something wrong so I waited for a further clue as to what I should do next. In comes the lady of the house with a blanket saying something about me being tired and maybe needing one. Mike then explained what she really meant; that I shouldn't rock back and forth because it might damage the bamboo. How the two come together I have no idea! It might have been a look, a slight lilt in her voice, or just a constant awareness of what the other person might mean.
Maybe someday I'll figure out what to look for to figure out what someone is actually saying. For right now it's thrown me deeper into culture shock. How do I know it's culture shock? Because I don't want to interact with anyone or leave my room for fear of offending unawares! This is the stage where I feel I must be totally on my guard, every set back is devastating, and running home sounds like a good alternative. It's intimidating to forget the past years of trying to not over analyze conversations and now to realize that that's how this culture works. Everything means something, sometimes completely different than you think it is.
The mountains are still beautiful, the people are still so welcoming, but today I don't feel ready to be thrown into more new things and uncertainty. What do you do when you're love language is the thing affected by change? How do you adapt something like that?
The Lord did give me comfort after writing all this. After listening to some songs I had put together for other friends of mine going through tough times, I cried and tried to figure out how I'm suppose to do this alone. I have to say Shane and Shane not only takes me back to ICS trip times, but it also reminds me that I'm not here to navigate this culture perfectly. I'm here to learn, yes but more importantly I'm here to glorify God. When I start to focus on the how before the why I begin to become overwhelmed with the unkowns, mistakes, and general freaking out that can happen from navigating another culture. Focus on Jesus' face first and my relationship with Him. The next water walking step will come.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Faith on a Train Platform
It's 5am here. Yup. jet lag is kicking in. It hasn't been too bad. The first time I encountered good ol' Mr. Jet Lag was a couple of nights ago. Asleep by 11pm and awake by 3am did not a stable Lydia make. Thankfully that was on Sunday so not a lot of responsibilities laid on my sleep-deprived shoulders. The following day wasn't bad at all; asleep by 7:30pm and awake by 6:30am. Today we are back to awake by 4:30 am. I try to fight it until to do lists start forming in my head and then I know the battle is lost. Besides, I haven't had time to process a lot the past few days so why not do it while the house is still asleep?
I'm now at the Dugan's senior. It's been such a blessing to stay with mike and Carrie during my first few days here. They've helped me learn, navigate the train system (which still intimidates me), and helped me to generally not freak out. Now I'll be staying at the elder Dugans for about a month as a start work, save up for an apartment, and generally try not to freak out.
I have yet to have an all out, "What am I doing here, this is a mistake!" freak out moment. That's been a huge blessing. I do have to say the assurance I felt so keenly before buckling that seatbelt and taking off to the unknown is a little farther from the surface than it use to be. I have to dig a little bit more where I use to be able to recall instantly. Since I got here it's been a constant roller coaster ride between, "Can I do this?" and "I can do this!" For example when I step onto a train platform, look at the unknown Japanese writings, and wonder if I'll one day get lost in the never-ending maze of train cars and streets with no names...that's a "Can I do this?" moment. When I step into my classroom and hear all the children say, "Hello, how are you?" in their wonderful accents as they run up with smiles on their faces...that's a "I can do this!" moment.
So, my question is, when does this roller coaster level off, and how do I hold on until then? Not to be a Sunday school child of 4 years, but Jesus and prayer are the biggest things I have to remind myself of minutely (as in the time not the measurement). In James, it reminds us to ask God for wisdom when we are lacking it (when are we not is my question), and to ask with doubtless faith. In fact, the opposite approach has some pretty strong consequences; that person is foundationless, not able to receive whatever it is he asks for in this instance wisdom), and becomes double-minded. Yeah, that faith approach looks like the better option. I start to wonder what doubts might arise when asking God. Is it all doubts or is James referencing a certain kind of doubt? It could be all doubts. I'm no scholar so I don't know, but earlier when talking about asking God for wisdom he characterizes God as a giver without reproach. Makes me wonder if he's not specifically thinking of the doubt that arises from a finite, messed up person asking an all-knowing, righteous God for something. That realization, while good also leafs to doubts of whether we can go to God wearing our everyday cloths instead of trying to clean ourselves up and put a little concealer on at least before going to Him. Those doubts could keep you stuck for a pretty long time. Of course, any doubt that arises when asking God, who may I remind you told us to ask Him, directly relates to how truthful we think God is about Himself. Is it normal to be concerned and worry when your fridge is empty and a paycheck is not in your future? Golly Bob, yes it is! Did we give up any rights to react list a "normal person" in situations of uncertainty? Heck yes we did!
Right now these are just words. Within a few hours I'll be putting them into practice as I step onto that train platform, figure out dollar to yen conversion, and struggle through the general freaking out times. I'll let you know how my practice goes if you tell me yours.
I'm now at the Dugan's senior. It's been such a blessing to stay with mike and Carrie during my first few days here. They've helped me learn, navigate the train system (which still intimidates me), and helped me to generally not freak out. Now I'll be staying at the elder Dugans for about a month as a start work, save up for an apartment, and generally try not to freak out.
I have yet to have an all out, "What am I doing here, this is a mistake!" freak out moment. That's been a huge blessing. I do have to say the assurance I felt so keenly before buckling that seatbelt and taking off to the unknown is a little farther from the surface than it use to be. I have to dig a little bit more where I use to be able to recall instantly. Since I got here it's been a constant roller coaster ride between, "Can I do this?" and "I can do this!" For example when I step onto a train platform, look at the unknown Japanese writings, and wonder if I'll one day get lost in the never-ending maze of train cars and streets with no names...that's a "Can I do this?" moment. When I step into my classroom and hear all the children say, "Hello, how are you?" in their wonderful accents as they run up with smiles on their faces...that's a "I can do this!" moment.
So, my question is, when does this roller coaster level off, and how do I hold on until then? Not to be a Sunday school child of 4 years, but Jesus and prayer are the biggest things I have to remind myself of minutely (as in the time not the measurement). In James, it reminds us to ask God for wisdom when we are lacking it (when are we not is my question), and to ask with doubtless faith. In fact, the opposite approach has some pretty strong consequences; that person is foundationless, not able to receive whatever it is he asks for in this instance wisdom), and becomes double-minded. Yeah, that faith approach looks like the better option. I start to wonder what doubts might arise when asking God. Is it all doubts or is James referencing a certain kind of doubt? It could be all doubts. I'm no scholar so I don't know, but earlier when talking about asking God for wisdom he characterizes God as a giver without reproach. Makes me wonder if he's not specifically thinking of the doubt that arises from a finite, messed up person asking an all-knowing, righteous God for something. That realization, while good also leafs to doubts of whether we can go to God wearing our everyday cloths instead of trying to clean ourselves up and put a little concealer on at least before going to Him. Those doubts could keep you stuck for a pretty long time. Of course, any doubt that arises when asking God, who may I remind you told us to ask Him, directly relates to how truthful we think God is about Himself. Is it normal to be concerned and worry when your fridge is empty and a paycheck is not in your future? Golly Bob, yes it is! Did we give up any rights to react list a "normal person" in situations of uncertainty? Heck yes we did!
Right now these are just words. Within a few hours I'll be putting them into practice as I step onto that train platform, figure out dollar to yen conversion, and struggle through the general freaking out times. I'll let you know how my practice goes if you tell me yours.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Airport Faith
Aussie's have walk abouts. Native Americans have spiritual journeys. I, I have airports. Once you're there it's not a problem, but everything in between is a test of faith from correct baggage handling, to e-tickets, to tight flight schedule. Oddly enough I had the opportunity for an earlier flight, but I didn't take it. part of the reason for this move is that it puts me in a situations where I can't help but trust in Him. What better way to build up my faith muscle than a 54 minute layover to catch an international flight in an airport (I made it by the grace of God)?
I also said my final goodbye, besides the goodbye I said to the flight attendant as I disembarked, but I don't that counts. My parents and I have had a few days together which has given me the opportunity to say a slow and steady goodbye. It culminated in a quick and final goodbye as I hoisted my carefully packed and weighed luggage from their car and headed into the organized chaos of the Atlanta airport. I can't believe I'm doing this. A few days ago my friend said, "You're so brave. I wouldn't be able to do what you're doing." Funny, cause I was that girl saying the exact same thing about a year ago. The only difference now is that God has lead so clearly that I can't NOT go. I know, double negative, but it's still true.
"Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen." Hebrews 13:20-21
When you've been handed the tools, positioned in front of a plot of land and given the assurance that you're not alone in this daunting project, it would seem pretty silly to just stand there. You may have all sorts of misgivings, fears, and feelings of inadequacy, but it would still be silly to just stand there if you've been given everything to succeed.
I also said my final goodbye, besides the goodbye I said to the flight attendant as I disembarked, but I don't that counts. My parents and I have had a few days together which has given me the opportunity to say a slow and steady goodbye. It culminated in a quick and final goodbye as I hoisted my carefully packed and weighed luggage from their car and headed into the organized chaos of the Atlanta airport. I can't believe I'm doing this. A few days ago my friend said, "You're so brave. I wouldn't be able to do what you're doing." Funny, cause I was that girl saying the exact same thing about a year ago. The only difference now is that God has lead so clearly that I can't NOT go. I know, double negative, but it's still true.
"Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen." Hebrews 13:20-21
When you've been handed the tools, positioned in front of a plot of land and given the assurance that you're not alone in this daunting project, it would seem pretty silly to just stand there. You may have all sorts of misgivings, fears, and feelings of inadequacy, but it would still be silly to just stand there if you've been given everything to succeed.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
My Least Favorite
Have you ever made someone cry? Well, now I can say I have. This is officially my least favorite part of the journey. You know how I wrote earlier about being let go? I'm forcing someone to let me go, and believe me there are repercussions. Don't get me wrong. I still believe this is where God is leading me, but is it ever hard to walk this part journey. Today is my last day here. I have one more performance to go (I'm stage managing a play), one more night in Minnesota, and then it's off on a two day road trip to Georgia before departing for the literal unknown. I have yet to freak out or even shed more than a few tears. It's not that I'm totally cool and collected. On the contrary, there are many times I hear my voice talking to someone and I think, "Huh, that voice sounds very calm. I wonder who's talking...oh wait! It's me!" It's also not that I don't have tears to shed. I'm leaving my home and friends who have become family for goodness sake! It's just that with the play and the packing my head isn't there. More like my emotions aren't there. I'm still thinking of light cues and actors when others are saying goodbye. My mind still registers this hurts, this is goodbye, this person means a lot to me. I'm sure the tears will come. I begin to worry about when. Will it be when I get my complimentary peanuts? Will it be at baggage claim? Will it be when an unsuspecting stranger across from me asks if I'm going for business or pleasure? Then I remember God knows what I can handle. Even though it feels like all this is too much, I know my breakdown won't be ill-timed. The nice thing about these goodbyes, and don't laugh, is that it's almost like a funeral. I said don't laugh. Really, as much as it hurts I get to hear how God used me in peoples lives, what I meant to them, how much I'm loved (sometimes in spite of myself. I have some very patient people in my life). What's nice is I get to hear it without having to die. Ok, seriously. Stop laughing.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Water Journaling
This may be my last journal entry by an American lake. It feels so right to be sitting here enjoying an unusually cold morning in September, sitting by a lake, feeling the breeze and trying to figure out...everything. Yes, I'm still trying to do that oddly enough. I know. What's this girl's problem? I'd be happy even figuring out some of these feelings in general. It's nice to rely on the experiences of others in times like these. I learned that at an early age as I watched from my safe little perch growing up as my brother tested all the boundaries I was too afraid to approach. No doubt, if I had been able to formulate lists at the age of 10 I would have filled a trapper keeper full of "note to self: don't do that." Now that I'm older, and less of a pansy, I'm able to recognize the benefit of seeking advice from others. If you've never asked someone, "Based off of your experience, are these feelings valid?" then pounce on your pride and look around you. I'm willing to bet a plane ticket to Japan that there is someone around you that God has already brought through the same feelings, worries, and struggles. Just take a look at Proverbs. You'll see what I mean. Or, maybe like me you do know it, but just haven't done anything about it. Maybe you should sit by a lake too. You may not figure everything out, but man is it ever peaceful as God hammers away at the stuff keeping you from being God-glorifyingly awesome.
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