My Least Favorite

Have you ever made someone cry? Well, now I can say I have. This is officially my least favorite part of the journey. You know how I wrote earlier about being let go? I'm forcing someone to let me go, and believe me there are repercussions. Don't get me wrong. I still believe this is where God is leading me, but is it ever hard to walk this part journey. Today is my last day here. I have one more performance to go (I'm stage managing a play), one more night in Minnesota, and then it's off on a two day road trip to Georgia before departing for the literal unknown. I have yet to freak out or even shed more than a few tears. It's not that I'm totally cool and collected. On the contrary, there are many times I hear my voice talking to someone and I think, "Huh, that voice sounds very calm. I wonder who's talking...oh wait! It's me!" It's also not that I don't have tears to shed. I'm leaving my home and friends who have become family for goodness sake! It's just that with the play and the packing my head isn't there. More like my emotions aren't there. I'm still thinking of light cues and actors when others are saying goodbye. My mind still registers this hurts, this is goodbye, this person means a lot to me. I'm sure the tears will come. I begin to worry about when. Will it be when I get my complimentary peanuts? Will it be at baggage claim? Will it be when an unsuspecting stranger across from me asks if I'm going for business or pleasure? Then I remember God knows what I can handle. Even though it feels like all this is too much, I know my breakdown won't be ill-timed. The nice thing about these goodbyes, and don't laugh, is that it's almost like a funeral. I said don't laugh. Really, as much as it hurts I get to hear how God used me in peoples lives, what I meant to them, how much I'm loved (sometimes in spite of myself. I have some very patient people in my life). What's nice is I get to hear it without having to die. Ok, seriously. Stop laughing.