Being Back Well

Goers and Senders, preparation and reentry, research and culture shock. So many terms and special preparations. As missionaries (both long-term, short-term, and all the blurry-lined missionaries who aren't quite missionaries in between) we say, "Go Well." Do your research, be as mentally ready for the impossible as you can. For the Senders (pretty self-explanatory) we tell them to “Send Well.” Be there, be present, be generous, be ready. There's so much you can't be ready for of course. As a missionary you can't be fully ready for the nitty-gritty of the everyday: the perilous visits to the visa office, the missed trains and kind strangers, the homesickness, and the beautifully painful journey of acclimating. As a Sender you can't be fully prepared for the needs, the forgetfulness, the being left behind.

But you can think about it. Yes, you can think, and in a way you are preparing. Every book you read, every discussion you have prepares you at least somewhat for the shocks in store. You can’t fully avoid the blow, but you can brace yourself. That's what you get for being a missionary and that's what you get for being the friend of one. But that's not what I mean to talk about today. 

I want to talk today about a book. Not just any book, but one that doesn’t exist. You'll find books, blogs, missionary memoirs, and movies full of mission concepts: How to Prepare as a Missionary, How to Raise Friends Not Funds, How to Support Missionaries and what "missionary" actually means. You'll see titles on shelves like "Reentry," "Answering the call," and "Senders." Like I said, you can't ever be fully prepared, but you'll come as close as possible with these under your belt and on your shelf. Unfortunately, there is one book title you will not find. Maybe it's because there is no catchy way to phrase it, or maybe because we Westerners value acclimation so much, but you will not find a self-help book entitled, "Being Back Well."

I know it sounds boring, but man do I ever wish there was a guidebook with that title. Maybe one of the main reasons it doesn't exist is because the reentry stage seems to end once you step off the plane back in your "home" country. After all, you're back to the familiar, right? At the very least you should be back to normal after a few months, but this does not seem to be the case. And for those who aren’t considered long-term missionaries, the struggle can be very different. Don’t get me wrong, there are some great resources out there for this type of thing, but it seems to be mostly geared towards long-term missionaries who, after years in a remote jungle, return to their home country for a few months of rest or perhaps as a permanent change. Reentry for them is intense and long. They have firm feet in both cultures and possibly refer to both as home interchangeably in conversations. They relate to both, have knowledge and history of both, customs and norms in both. They have memories and roots in both.

For the short-termer, or even those we don't consider "missionary" either because it was a job and not ministry that pulled them to another country or because they simply wish to work and go to church in another country, for them the struggle is a bit different. The roots are a little looser, their identity is more disjointed, and both places seem an odd mix of foreign and familiar. The struggles are not worse than the long-termer, just different.

Hence, my desired book title; "How To Be Back Well." If it were written, it wouldn't sell many copies, but it would be invaluable to us who are either one of those loose-rooted trees or as the friend of a confused returner. Wouldn't it be nice to simply look up in the Table of Contents a chapter on restoring friendships, and then turn to chapter 12 where you will find all the information and case studies plainly laid out for you to peruse and apply? Once you were done reading that helpful chapter, you would leaf through this treasure of a book and you would find entries such as, "Fear Of Forgetting" and "How To Express Yourself."

 Now, for a moment you would pause because here you would read about the “Exploding Missionary” who turns conversations to their foreign experiences with the words, “Well, in such-and-such-a-place we would…” You would recognize in yourself this same desire to leak out your stories on people and how this desire would be so strong at times, that simply shutting your mouth seemed the best option lest you open the dam and everything came rushing out at once. The author would lay out for you in descriptive language all the feelings that fuel this potential Vesuvius of speech; how much you wish to be known yet feel so distant and how it isn’t wrong to want to be known. The chapter would then take an unexpected turn as you read the words, "What about them?" "What about them", you would wonder. You would read later on about turning those desires into your own actions. "You want to be known?" The author would say, "Then try to know others." Hmm, convicting thought, and so you would fold over the page corner to meditate on later. 

You would then see that the book continues with chapters on the everyday life: how to get through those unexpected moments of missing your “other home”, and another section on how to understand and be understood. You would find lists of questions to ask yourself and others. There would be diagrams and social maps to help you re-acclimate yourself. You would quickly skim over this section of course, thinking little of its usefulness seeing as how you grew up here. Why in the world would you need a map? When the changed culture and your out-of-practice social skills come to light, you will find that you do need it, and when you do, you'll remember to go back to that helpful chapter 23 you naively skimmed over before. 

The last few pages would be dedicated to final thoughts on prayer with titles such as, “How to pray for friends both here and there.” There would also be a section on identity. Yes, you knew that was coming. “Where Are You Camped?” would be the next words that catch your eye. The author would unpack the danger of identity dependence: I am a Goer, I am a Sender, I am a Returner…and you would realize that your identity is placed in the wrong camp. You wouldn’t be downcast for long as a few pages later you’d see testimonies from others who have struggled through the same thing. You’d see a section on why God wants your identity in Him and not in the circumstances. “You were made to stand on a rock,” the author would write. “So why then would you insist on residing in the sand?” You would realize that as wonderful and painful as the experiences were, they do not define you and your grip begins to loosen and your spirit settles down a bit as your eyes continue to skim the encouraging words on the page.

Finally, your eyes would grow tired and your brain would become full. You’d close the book, glance at the price tag and think to yourself, "Best $12.99 I've ever spent." You’d nestle it into your bookcase right next to those helpful tomes on fundraising and culture shock, and then you’d step out the door a little better prepared then when you stepped in...mentally at least. After all, you can’t ever be fully prepared.