Ticking clocks and sifting sands

There's that incessant ticking noise again. It comes with every big change as the minutes and seconds I once saw as generous as sand on a beach begins to become more and more precious as it falls into the bottom of the hourglass.

My life is once again filled with timelines, packing lists, goodbyes, and cherished "last times." The last time I experienced this, I was moving to Japan ready for my next adventure. This one caught me a bit by surprise. If you're wondering what in the world I mean, let me give you some context.

For many months now, God has been doing something sneaky. Unbeknownst to me, God has been setting the stage for a pretty miraculous plan. Through hardships, hourly dependence on Him, and some Francis Chan sermons, I have begun to realize I am a calm water dweller. I can see your confused gaze in my mind's eye, so let me explain. In Psalm 23 it talks about God as a Shepherd in two different scenarios; by calming and safe waters, as well as in the perilousness of a shadowed valley. I am a stream dweller, perfectly content with my babbling brooks and quiet talks with my Shepherd. I will even go to great lengths to avoid those valley experiences through my powers of organization, planning, and resourcefulness. But what I realized recently is that because of my valley avoidance, I have missed getting to know my Shepherd in some critical ways.

Now, I'm not saying I should go cliff jumping to see what it feels like to have angels keep my feet from striking a single rock, but since I avoid the valleys, I'm avoiding my Shepherd too. I am not an advocate for needless danger, but I am also tired of avoiding needed danger. I'm tired of saying with my life choices, anxiety, and stream dwelling that my Shepherd is only able to comfort and guide. I've missed seeing Him protect and sustain.

Believe it or not, that's just the context. Now for the story. On a recent visit to see my Uncle and meet his new wife and family, I began hearing stories of specific prayer and action. I'm talking "Lord, would you guide me and provide ____ as a confirmation?" And then acting on it when it happens. I decided to try it. "Lord," I prayed "would you show me with clarity what next steps I should take with my life?" He knew I was stuck as far as finishing my Masters was concerned and expanding my "valley" experiences.

Now enters God's first thread: While waiting for my Uncle at his church, I happened to glance down at a random flyer, tucked underneath multiple Christian magazines and Daily Bread devotionals, and I read the word "Registrar" on a job description. Picking it up, I laughed to my Uncle and said, "Isn't that funny. That's kinda what I do now." 

"Are you going to email them?" my Uncle challenged. "No," I said tentatively. "I was joking." He didn't seem to get the joke and continued staring at me with those wisdom-filled eyes of his as if he knew he was setting the stage for something bigger. It was Sunday. What harm would it do to email, I said to myself. There's no way they'll get back to me before my flight tomorrow. So, I emailed and then promptly went to the beach to soak in the sun and forgot all possibilities of a crazy possibility. 

"Check your email," was the nagging thought as I drove back with my family a few hours later, sunburnt and completely clueless. The words, "We would love to have you come in for an interview at 9am tomorrow before your flight" were waiting for me in my inbox.

I wish I had the finger strength to describe all the little confirmations, unexplainable "coincidences," and tiny threads tugged by God's hand to weave together this story, but all that to say, within the span of 3 days I had found out about a potential job, interviewed, and been offered a position as Registrar for a prestigious preparatory school in New York.

 God's beautiful second thread in this insane tapestry is that I am actually stepping out in faith into the valley of uncertainty, new surroundings, and unkown. If that's not evidence of a Shepherd you can be confident in, I don't know what is. For the first time in my life, I am pursuing my Shepherd more than the right or wrong answer. I'm not doing it perfectly, I grant you, but I can't help but be excited to follow Him into a valley to see what the Shepherd who's promised to care for me, challenge me, and establish me all for the glory of His name is going to do.

I will miss my stream and all of the people I've met here. That's been the toughest part about leaving and trusting Him in this. I know there will be moments when the tears just won't stop because my heart is breaking, I know that doubts will stack upon each other till they threaten to topple, and I know the minutes will begin to tick more loudly the closer I get to that moving day. But as my Mom said to me with doubts sailing through my mind and sobs shaking my body as I contemplated leaving my calm waters, "If you didn't make this move Lydia, with all that you've seen God do to bring this about, would it be disobedience?" 

God's beautiful third thread: yes, it would be, and I'm ready to see what my Shepherd is going to do in the shadows of my valleys.