The Realm of Random

This morning I was sipping a cup of coffee gone cold from sheer neglect that arises from the distraction of a misty autumn morning. I have to say I was somewhat surprised when my mind swept me back to a year ago today. I remembered a similar misty morning at a little school sitting at a bend in the road. I remembered the feeling of little hands reaching for mine, of early morning shouts on a playground, and little girl's with fascinated expressions as they learn how to take my earrings out and put them back in without it hurting. Needless to say the tears started and are still clouding my vision like the fog outside. 

I miss it. All of it. Ok, the hospital is taken out of that sweeping statement, but I do miss the children. I miss my commute on a jostling train, and I miss my friends both old and new. I miss the smell of burning rice patties and the way it stays with you long after you've passed the field. I miss vending machines with so many options you have to plan 5 minutes into your commute just to decide. I miss missing America, as weird as that sounds, and how every random find of an item from home was like winning the lottery. 

And I miss how vivid my memory of Japan was. Those memories that were so clear, and hurt so deeply to recall them because you miss that part of you, those thoughts have now entered the realm of random; Random smells that trigger your mind, a word someone says that reminds you of a certain conversation in stilted Japanese/English, the sight of a child on the playground that recalls the memory of children screaming "Lydia, monster please!" I am recalling those things with less frequency. My life here has caught me up in new jobs, future plans, and friendships. It's not bad, and I'm learning not to fight it. But I'll be honest, I'm scared to lose those memories.