Blessings of Being Let Go

I'm preparing for Japan.

My brain is a million miles away...almost literally. As I begin to think of to do’s and “last times,” I can feel my brain and emotions become confused with the now juxtaposed with the could be. One thing I want to appreciate, and it is a painful appreciation, is that blessing of being let go. It’s funny to realize that a majority of the grief in leaving isn’t in me going, it’s in the forcing of a situation on those you love. I’m forcing others to let me go. It’s been a few weeks now since my decision and consequent communication to others, but already I’ve experienced practiced Letting Goers who I wish weren’t so familiar with it as well as the Letting Goers who twist your heart just enough that you can functionally grieve. 

I never want to forget the blessing it is to be let go. To realize the friend, daughter, emotional stabilizer, and dependable one that you have become to others (sometimes by choice, sometimes by God's grace alone) and to allow the grief that comes with taking that away. There’s also the humbling reality that you aren’t necessary anymore. There’s a pain in seeing those people move on while you’re still here. That role you’ve held, or held on to, isn’t meant to be much longer. You know while you’re gone that life moves on, news will happen, large instances to you will now seem insignificant to others and vice versa. There’s a peace in knowing this is normal, and there’s freedom in the grieving that it is true. Come it must, and pass it will. This is where I’m suppose to be and somehow God works it out best for others as well. Calm eyes to look into, and waves that could potentially engulf me lapping at my feet. The challenge is to look into those eyes, not the waves. That’s a journey in and of itself.