My Lists

The ups and downs continue. In my mind is the unofficial list of victories and frustrations that make up my day. As each event passes I mentally shelve it where it belongs; Shopping for butter on my own, victory. Trying to refill a train pass, frustration. Mingling with more than just those with the last name Dugan (who have been more of a blessing than I think I can comprehend right now), victory. Spending 750 yen on train fares only to find the school is closed, good surprise but still frustrating. One doesn't particularly fill a hole that the other cannot. Each one makes up my day and I wouldn't trade them for anything.


But it's on days like today when the house is quiet, the rain is falling on leaves I still can't name, that I begin to want the release that certain emotions can bring. Not the kind that you can explain away by something you ate or because you need chocolate, but the real release of something bottled up and the comfort that comes not only with the expression of it, but the support of someone who sees it. Moments like this, silent house and rain drop moments, reminds me of the blessing of what was left behind; the blessing of people who know you so well that if you stepped outside your door with a certain look on your face you know the question would come, "Are you ok?" The real blessing comes from those who keep digging even after the initial, "I'm fine" escapes your lips. Sometimes, that's the only way certain emotions can find release, when someone asks you for it. I still wouldn't trade this time for anything, but man do I miss that release.