Too Organized

My focus may be on tickets home and having the most experiences possible before leaving, but the lessons just keep on coming. The latest one has to do with my "Superpower." Yes. I, Lydia O'Brien have a superpower. I can, "whispers"...lean in a little closer. I can...organize. I am a future-oriented planning, organizing freak of nature. Not a big deal you say? Try telling that to the friends and family who look to me as if I'm their savior from cluttered closets and badly planned events. I first noticed my powers at a young age as I would clean and arrange my room until absolutely satisfied. This might have been somewhat normal except for the internal processing which no one else knew. Yes, I would leave a mess in my room at times thus fooling the world into thinking I was a somewhat normal American child. An unmade bed here, some randomly strewn clothes there, but little did the general public know my inner motivation for such slovenly behavior was so that I had something to clean up when I got home. There's a good example of both my planning and cleanliness powers in action.

I grew into my powers and began using them for the common good, but it didn't take long before I realized the benefit of a secret identity. Why do you think Superman, Batman, and all the other latex sporting do gooders didn't rent a billboard or invest in a marketing plan? It's cause they knew they would be too busy if they did! I learned this valuable lesson during my teenage years as I heeded all the desperate cries for help from family and friends seeking a little organization for their crazy lives. 

Now I, like so many other superheroes, simply observe for times when I are needed instead of advertising it. Where am I going with all this? Well, I've begun to wonder if my superpower, however helpful to the masses, isn't so good for me all the time. Do I enjoy knowing where I put my keys or  the precise minute my train leaves? Yes, of course, but much like X-ray vision there are just times you wish you could turn it off. I wish I could simply ignore the multi-railed track my mind shows me of the future. One decision, and in my minds eye are all the possible outcomes, responses, and ramifications possible for the human mind to know. Ok, maybe not all of them, but superheroes aren't suppose to admit weaknesses.

Speaking of weaknesses (some superheroes need to learn to keep their mouths shut *ahem* Superman), mine happens to be intricately connected with my power: Anxiety. That's right. My green, crystal-shaped, debilitating weakness is anxiety. Just like genie (I know I'm crossing into cartoon analogies now) who has all that power with itty bity living space, I too carry quite the gift with all it's negative weight as well.

Ok, seriously organizing and future planning aren't enough to get me into comic books let alone The Avengers movie, but the anxiety issue is trully a big glowing weakness of mine. It comes from years of honing the gifts of planning and anticipating every need (how do you think I survived Stage Managing), and now my adult brain is also able to compute the formula; possible outcome + variables x planning = it's out of your hands. 

This leads me to my main point. I know, as always you had to stick in there a little while to get it, but I'm simply helping you learn endurance. Ever hear about the sin of unbelief? Pastor John Piper does a great sermon series on it, and believe me I listened attentively to the section on the sin of unbelief in anxiety. Try this logic: anxiety means fear and worry about the future. God says He is sovereign over the future and that He cares for us. When we worry and allow anxiety cryptonite into our lives than we are calling the God and creator of the Universe, the One who likes to use fire and smoke to communicate at times I might add, a pretentious liar. We're saying we know better, we can see all outcomes, and we alone bear the weight of knowledge. Easier to just worry about stuff than pray, right? 

So, the head knowledge is there now. The life application part is going to be tricky. I still have my infernal superpower which can be so helpful and so frustrating. I'm ready to kick the cryptonite out of my life though. I just realized how proud my brother would be at the amount of comic book references in this one blog. So, in light of that I now dedicate this revelation and the words used to describe it to my wonderful brother who is partly responsible for the person I am today. Thank you for never asking me to use my superpowers in your life.